Love relationship breakup is a fiercely loving teacher!

And my class is still very much in progress.

After 2022 brought me 3 love relationship breakups in which a 10year, 1year, and 3.5month love relationship all came to an end, I toyed with an ‘out with the old, in with the new’ mindset for 2023. 

Yet the wisdom of love relationship break ups still had a lot to teach me. 

And what starkly clearer way than in the midst of another (mini) break up. And so as it seemed my ex-beloved of 3.5months, Jim, and I were getting back together, instead it crumbled away for a second time.

This time I so clearly felt the fragile trust between us shatter, that there was nothing to do but behold the devastation. 

No clever story of things being different in an imagined future. It was gone. And the completeness of that gone-ness swept me into a profoundly still grief. A place of no words, thought or spoken. I was entirely taken by the experience in which I became the darkness of my curtain shrouded room.

And then something miraculous happened. 6 or so hours later, I emerged. Tender and sore, yes, yet with lightness and freedom.

I felt the lived wisdom I could now embody from all my other recent break up experiences resounding through me. I felt a resourced-ness from which I could do this breakup so much more on my own terms. 

Yes, there is a piercing heartbreak in my system, and alongside this, a refined capacity to hold my broken heart and love it as a valued part of my life experience.

Is my heart going to get broken again? Yes. 

Am I going to be able to be there for myself like a hero of legend? Yes!

I have matured in my felt experience to register heartbreak as a precious part of life, to be surrendered to. 

I have given up the fight for it to be other than it is. 

And in this process I am finding as much joy as there is sorrow, and a love that is greater than any pain.