My maternal grandma would spend whole days in bed.

And from what I’m told, in her younger days too.

She also traveled the world into her early nineties.

Throughout her life there were times where she really put herself out there and got stuck into life, and there were times where she rested back into timelessness, laying in bed with her books, as if she would be there forever. And she definitely held an air of immortality in my eyes. I loved going to visit her on one of her ‘in bed days’, cuddling with her and chatting away together. It held such magic for me.

She gave me a powerful imprint of ‘a day in bed’ that I have long put into practice. The warmth and nurturing that I could give to myself. The requiring of nothing from myself, and the releasing entirely into self soothing and self comforting.

This is one of those such ‘in bed days’ for me.

Yesterday, I broke up with my beloved, Jim. A beautiful man that I love and who I have only got to share 3.5 months together with. I long for more in love relationship with him. And, timing is such that this is the end point of our love relationship. My heart is crushed. After two other love relationship break ups this year, of both a 10 year & 1 year relationship, I am shocked to find myself here for a third time in 2022.

And yet, there is a deep wisdom inside of me sparkling with the lived experience of two other recent love relationship break ups, that is full of resourcefulness. This wisdom penetrates a great panoramic of my healing trajectory in love relationship this year, and long before & far beyond.

I’m not busy with lots of clever strategies for getting through the break up process. My mind isn’t spinning with lots of sharp and insightful ways to frame the break up, so I can remove myself from the experience of it.

This wisdom is that of surrender. I know better than ever before how to rest in bed for this day together with my broken heart. Soft and receptive in my experience of the pain of loss. Breathing through each contraction into despair. Burning, then melting, then burning again.

And with this, I’m in awe of the glimpses I get into life’s profound intelligence as I feel myself shifting in how I experience all three of my love relationship break ups from this year, along with all those before. There is a simultaneously devastating and reviving perfection in this third love relationship break up in 2022 for me. The wisdom of 3 perhaps.

Magic is afoot. And it all takes place from the resting place of my bed.

Thank you for these ‘in bed days’ granny. You are part of the cushioning into which I rest and am held in. I love you.